Okay, so I’m really working myself up to a feeling sorry for myself pity party. I was just thinking that my house will never be what I want it to be. It’s always messy and even though I really try my best to keep it all organized, it just doesn’t seem to all fit. This blog is a pathetic example of a blog. It doesn’t look really great like some of those blogs and the writing is mediocre. My husband spent the entire day ignoring me except to chew me out when the kids got too noisy. It made me feel like he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with me and only tolerates me because I’m the mother of his children. Then I yelled at the kids again tonight because they just know how to push my every button. When I tell them to go to bed, they don’t listen. Then they have a bad day at school the next day because they just didn’t get enough sleep. So basically, I’m a horrible mother, wife, housekeeper, and blogger. So there is my pity party. Now I will try to turn it all around into gratitude.
My house may be a mess and disorganized and just not big enough for a large family, but it keeps us warm when it is super cold outside and we all have a place to sleep. I love this house for its wraparound porch and sun porch. My laundry room is kept clean and caught up because of my laundry habit of doing one load of laundry every day. Even my kitchen is staying clean because of the new rule that the boys and I have to get the kitchen clean before any of us can go to bed. It’s not as bad as I want to think it is.
My husband is extremely stressed right now, which seems to be a constant with his job. But I’m grateful to have him in my life. There may be times when he only tolerates me because I am the mother of his children, but he still shows me that he loves me. To add to his stress, he is planning a trip for us to celebrate our ten-year wedding anniversary in Puerto Rico. I need to have patience with him when he seems to ignore me and not take it quite so personally.
When I decided to commit myself to this blog, I decided that I would not push it to be more than it could be right now. It’s a baby right now and it needs lots of coddling. We don’t expect a newborn to begin walking after only a few weeks of life, so why should I expect this blog and my experience as a blogger to be like that of those who have done this for years. I will just let the blog happen and grow and change as it will and as my experience allows. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have a blog.
Finally, the most difficult one and the one I struggle to forgive myself the most—my behavior toward my children. Bedtime is a nightmare for me. It doesn’t help that I do it by myself every single night. Few moms will tackle bedtime all by themselves. They will require their husbands help with this ever difficult task. However, this does not excuse my behavior. I’m grateful for the ever-forgiving and loving mercy of God when my behavior toward my children becomes less-than-stellar. I continue to pray for God to help me learn patience and figure out a way to made bedtime less painful for all of us. I pray that my children will forgive me and not see my behavior as a sign that I don’t love them. I pray they don’t learn to resent me. I pray that we can form a close relationship and learn to bond over these mistakes that I keep making. I pray…
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